“sie schafften es, das nichts zu überklettern.

nie warden wir erfahren, wer sie sind.

wenn sie noch sind.”

- christa reinig

“they managed to climb up past nothingness

and never we shall discover who they are.

if they are, still.”

yranslation by michael hamburger

in 2020, i found this poem hiding in an anthology of German poetry. enduring the impossible task of "climbing past nothingness" felt suffocating to think about, just as lockdown felt in those days. i wrote this tone poem to accompany an unknown wonder that terrifies and excites me. who will i become after this pandemic? will i recognize myself? i originally wrote this piece using my old earbud headphones, one guitar, and my voice. i knew nothing of mixing and audio editing, but i felt that i captured that unknown spirit that accompanied me in my composing.

in 2025, this piece found me hiding in my car. i've come to a point where uncertainty in my identity is my identity. i am always trying to unveil a person that simultaneously exists and disappears as soon as you think of him. this theme of "threshold" cuts deep and really makes me think about what still remains once you peel back the layers of self restraint that refuse growth and push through the invisible wall that you beat your head senseless upon. i like to think i that i'll find myself there.

@zade_d @corpus_sound @hemlocksound